Codependency and Trauma

There are many people suffering from the pain that codependency causes. They are often surprised to learn that codependency can be an outcome of being raised in a family system with substance use issues, physical, sexual and verbal abuse, abandonment and neglect. Codependency shows up in several ways. Some children who are raised in an abusive home intuitively adapt their behaviors to keep themselves safe from harm. It is common to feel overstimulated but present as passive as a way to flex with the abusive environment. Some children become enmeshed with their parent or abuser, some have no sense of self, and some learn to over tolerate abuse.

As children grow into adulthood, codependency behaviors can manifest through over-doing in their relationships, developing people pleasing behaviors, not knowing what their needs are in their relationships. Codependency can also lead to passive aggressive communication and behavior. This type of family environment also impacts their ability to establish and maintain healthy boundaries and to advocate for their needs.

Other traits of codependency include feeling anxious when speaking up on their behalf, not having an opinion in important areas of their life, feeling highly sensitive to their environment, loud noises and unpredictability. These family systems can lead to being in a state of hyper-vigilance which impacts children’s nervous system, physical and mental health.

Healing from codependency takes time. Finding a mental health professional that treats codependency, attending 12-step support groups, workbooks and other literature can support recovery from codependency. This healing work helps clients to develop skills to advocate for ones needs, setting and maintaining boundaries, pausing to allow time to think before responding and maintaining a healthy sense of self.

Anne Grisham-Pleas: I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Substance Use Disorder Professional in private practice in Shoreline and Edmonds. I earned my Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology and my Certificate in Addiction Studies from Seattle University in 1991. I earned my master’s degree in Counseling from Seattle University in 1998. I am a Certified Trauma Counselor and EMDR provider. I have worked in private practice, substance use disorder and mental health agencies for 33 years.